By Chris Seiter. The Theory Of Reactance: When a human beings behavioral freedoms are threatened they will react in a way to get that freedom back. Essentially when you implement a no contact rule with the intention of getting him back you are indirectly removing your exes behavior freedom of talking to you from the equation. Of course, this operates under the assumption that they recognize that their freedom has been removed. The theory of reactance is one of the primary reasons the no contact rule is cited as a way to make an ex miss you.
However, in my opinion there are many deeper layers to it which is why this article is exploring four concepts instead of just this one. However, this little gap of information with the mystery box was enough to create curiosity and hijack my choice.
The problem with that assumption is that every time you reach out, do a favor or say something nice to your ex it feeds that belief that he has that you are still in love with them. The no contact rule makes you an unknown one. Instead of talking to him whenever he wants you start to shift the paradigm by not talking to him.
When he reaches out to test the water you ignore him. I try not to touch on it too much outside of the book because I like to keep specific knowledge for paying customers but I figured this was a perfect place to talk about it since we are talking about curiosity and this concept is the grandfather of creating curiosity. Human beings are interesting because we are always trying to create order out of a chaotic world. Throughout your relationship with your ex you established a certain communication pattern, right?
The more established the communication pattern is, the more effective the no contact rule will be at bringing your man back.How Does An Ex Come Back and Why?
Maybe at first it would. Unpredictability gives meaning and appreciation to predictability just like predictability gives meaning and appreciation to unpredictability.
Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Does no contact work if it was just a short term casual thing? Work on being the best version of yourself, showing through social media all the great things you have done with yourself lately. Be social with friends and casual date if you feel up to is to use that to your advantage. I did the no contact rule and it worked.So, before you get behind the wheel and jam on the accelerator hard, it is necessary to know if you want to get your ex back for the right reasons.
Coz, well, it is Round two!! Image source: Google, copyright-free image under Creative Commons License. Or maybe not so much. If you are still in the throes of Breakup-itis and the months apart have done nothing to alleviate the pain, then you should probably just shut down the engine!
However, if you have absorbed the shock, then there are a few questions, whose honest answers may help steer you toward getting your ex back or taking a U-turn and driving full-throttle in the opposite direction.
Suggested read: Breakup or makeup — when to let go. If you want to win her back, by all means, go all in. But if you only want to win, pause. That might only be an urge to massage your ego by proving that she will still take you back.
And you might not be able to differentiate between the two. So, list out her pros and cons. If not, go down some beers and beat your buds at some game. However, if you cannot identify any areas that you can fix calling when you are out, flirting with other people, etc. Image source: Shutterstock. Last but not least is accountability. Can you own up to your side of the mess? Of course, the decision is half-hers, and since you ask, binding and final.
But let it be known that you do want that round two!
Getting impatient, are you? This is all about the homework, you ask — what about the class work? You know you want to get your ex back, now what?It's almost the weekend and you're getting ready to head out and meet the girls for dinner and a few cocktails. As you're finishing up your makeup and double-checking your tresses, you hear a text come through on your phone. Shuffling to grab your keys and bag as you head for the door, you pick up your phone, assuming it's your friends giving you a hard time for being late - as usual.
With a sigh and a roll of your eyes, you begin mentally trying out different excuses for why you're not there yet. Then, you look down at your phone, and your heart is somehow in your throat, and at the bottom of your stomach at the same exact time. It's been months since you've heard anything from him.
How To Respond To An Ex Reaching Out After Months Of Silence
Things are going really well for you lately: you just got a promotion, you even met a new guy. By all accounts, you're happy. Is there some sort of signal that exes get when things are going well for us?
So, what do you do? Do you respond, do you ignore him? An immediate response is never a good idea. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. This applies that much more if you have ingested any alcohol! Cue the scene with Noah and Allie from "The Notebook.
8 True Reasons Why Guys “Pop Up” Months Later
Or, maybe you're happy, but you don't see anything good coming out of talking to him; you might be better off not responding. Ultimately, you have to think about the end result that you want out of the situation. If you still have lingering feelings for the guy, but he's dating someone else, it's probably better not to tread back into muddy water.
If you think he wants back in your life, is that even the right move? This is a follow-up to the previous point. Even if you're surprised by the text, maybe you know why he's contacting you. Did he just break up with the chick he was dating? Is some event coming up where there will be mutual friends and a chance you might run into each other? Again, don't respond if you're currently drinking.
If you're happy and it doesn't hurt you to talk to your ex, then do it. If you're happy, but it still hurts to talk to your ex, don't do it. Why even bother? If it hurts you in any way to respond to him, don't respond at all.
If you're hurt about how things ended and need closure on why he has been MIA, then respond, but only if you can handle it and do NOT start that conversation immediately. If you know it's bad for you but you can't help yourself, picture how you felt right after the breakup. Do you want to repeat that?
Your friends are the ones who helped to pick up your broken pieces after your breakup. Some were even friends with him, too.So why do men come back after no contact? Why is it so effective?
I will mention however that this is a technique that needs to be followed to the T if you want to see real results!
Starting and stopping no contact over and over again is going to confuse your ex, and not in a good way! Moreover, now would be the absolute worst time to suffocate an ex by clinging to him, sending him fifteen texts a day, calling him day and night, and doing everything in your power to get close to him.
Here is where the no contact rule comes into play. Before I go any further, I want to briefly go over what the no contact rule is exactly. This technique consists of cutting contact with an ex for a period of time generally between three weeks and three months. This means no calls, no texts, no emails, no DMs, no carrier pigeon, nothing! This also means that you keep off of their social media profiles. There are two goals when it comes to using the no contact rule with an ex boyfriend. You can take a weekend getaway trip to a neighboring city with your best friends.
Switch up the scenery and invite positivity into your life. Just think: In with the new, out with the old! The old being negativity.
No depressing quotes or captions… Show yourself living your best life, getting in shape, enjoying the company of people that make you happy, and doing all kinds of interesting new activities. You will see something very interesting begin to happen. First of all, your self-confidence will begin to increase.
He probably expected you to be wallowing in self pity and sadness, wishing he was still by your side. Surprise, surprise! Men recognize that this benefits a relationship. But there is also something much simpler at play here. I want you to imagine when you were little.Here are 8 totally frustrating reasons why he randomly texts after months— either a breakup or complete disappearing act. He might say something funny or make an inside joke that you both shared. For example, at one point I met this guy named James.
In between non-love connection dates, James and I shared American Psycho jokes over text message.
Is my ex coming back after 6 months apart ?
After a short time, he disappeared completely without warning— only to reappear six months later with guess what… an American Psycho inside joke. Ever been out somewhere with a friend and out of the blue, they ask about your ex? Does this annoy you as much as it does me? Thanks so much! A sign your ex is teasing you is if he communicates with you, you respond, and he drops the communication completely all of a sudden.
Another common time this happens is if you happened to be a little bit clingy during or after the breakup. If you want him back too… reuniting with him can be in your future. A guy genuinely deciding that mistakes were made and coming back involves a real leap of faith on his part.
If your relationship ended badly, he might have felt afraid to contact you up until this point. Men are more sensitive than women— even though they will never, ever admit it. Love blocks are sneaky mindsets that are getting in your way of manifesting the kind of devoted, close relationship you want and deserve. And, usually love blocks are behind why guys get flaky, pull away and then act hot and cold with you.
Get to the bottom of why men pull away, ghost and generally drive you crazy. Get started here now. Through her coaching, writing and online programs she has helped thousands of women reunite with their men and create amazing, soul-level connections.
She is thrilled to have helped so many couples reignite the spark in their relationships.When you break up with someone, you expect the relationship to be over with. A part of you may hope that your ex-boyfriend comes back to you, but you know in your heart when it is over. When men come back months later, it can come as a total surprise. By that point, you have healed from the relationship and you have moved on.
Now, you just want to know why men come back months later when you assumed that the relationship was all in the past. Every man and every relationship is unique, so there are a number of different reasons why a man may come back after disappearing completely for a few months.
If you are lucky, he will give you some hint as to why he reached out again. Other times, he just sends you a basic text to see how you are doing and you are left wondering what he could possibly mean by it. We will cover some of the most common reasons why men come back months later.
After months of being separated, he has not thought about you or regretted the relationship at all. All of a sudden, something happened that reminded him of you. He may have said a funny joke and realized how amusing you would find it. Or, he may have noticed a woman who looks like you. Because of this reminder, he wanted to reach out to you. He reappeared months later just to message you for no reason at all. By far, this is one of the most annoying reasons for men to come back months later.
He just messaged you without thinking about it much.
This is the reason most people assume when men come back months later, but it is not always the case. Sometimes though, a man reaches out because he realizes how much he messed up. He may have tried dating around and realized that he could never find someone as good as you again. He may have started thinking over the break up and realized just how much the end of the relationship was his fault.
Whatever the reason, he may want you back in his life as his partner or as just a friend. Perhaps he was out with his friends for a night on the town and someone asked about you.
He may have gone home for Thanksgiving and his mother asked how you were doing. Whatever the case, someone asked about you and he realized he had no clue how you were doing in life. He decided to reach out to you just to see what was new and so that he could answer his friends accurately when they asked about you. This is a fairly common reason why men come back months later.
Receive LOVE in your mailbox
Guys tend to think that life will be so much easier when they are single. They will suddenly be able to hit on and sleep with any pretty girl that they see at the bar. When they actually try being single, they find that it is much harder to get a girl to sleep with them than they thought. They are just not nearly as charming or attractive as they thought they were. Even if they are able to get someone to have a one-night stand with them, they quickly realize that one-night stands only happen every couple of weeks.
When they were in a relationship, they were able to have sex multiple times a week without having to do all the work of playing the field. Now, he may be thinking that he could just sleep with you. Enough time has passed for you to forgive him, and he is hoping that you will be open to a late night booty call or a friend with benefits.
Whether you want this is up to you, but it is rather difficult to keep your feelings separate from such a relationship. It might have been months since you dated each other, but something reminded him of you. A certain smell or a sight of a girl who looked like you made him think of you.After my last breakup, I knew my ex would be back. It was only a matter of time. In fact, I warned him as he was breaking up with me that he would regret it.
I even put a timeline on it. I estimated to myself that it would take about 6 months to change his mind.
My friends even began taking bets on how long it would take. There was no question in any of our minds that he would return. He came back. In the last weeks of summer, he returned and admitted he still loved me and was wondering if it would be stupid to try again. But, I had moved on to someone else who is a much better fit for me. So how did I know he would be back? There are several signs that my ex was exhibiting that made me confident that he would return.
What are some signs that an ex will come back? Take the quiz. If you read up on No Contact, then you know that it is a period of time you spend not talking to your ex. But did you also realize that it is the perfect time to work on making your life better? You are supposed to keepliving your life! Yes… even if it seems impossible. I want to know all about your relationship and your breakup. Keep it simple for us by telling us the following:. Our experts will help you figure out what your next best move is base on your personal situation.
Your email address will not be published. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. He told me not to text him again. He told me not to talk about my past again with anyone. And after that I blocked him and he blocked me the day after. My fiance suddenly got engaged to another woman without my knowledge and I found out later.
We had a long distance relationship and were so in love, yet he did that. He since has stopped all communications with me and cant even tell me why or even sorry. He tells my friends he is scared to call me to even say sorry and even is so ashamed of his actions.
I did support him with so many set backs in his life and I feel I have wasted my time and resources.